Pain.

I am in pain.
I have been doing so well... the entire month of July I was working out 6 days a week. Then I went on vacation and I slacked a bit, but I am back in the swing of things.

So Erin and I took a kickboxing class the other day with a seriously SCARY instructor. Scary body-builder-fake-boobs-and-tricolor-hair lady. Terrifying. And the class. PAIN. I lost all use of my left arm within the first 5 minutes of class, then my thigh muscles seized up about halfway through and I knew I was done.

Back to trusty ole Spin Class. Where I hurt good and there isn't pain afterward.

But on Tuesday Erin and I thought we'd shake it up a bit. There was another kickboxing class, but we were afraid. So we decided to take the "One Stop Shop" class instead. It was billed as an intro to body pump, step, and dance. Seemed cool! So we got there.

AND SCARY INSTRUCTOR LADY WAS TEACHING THE CLASS.

I should have run far far away. But I didn't (I am dumb).
I introduced myself, told her this was my first class, and asked what equipment to get.
She told me to get the bands, hand weights, barbell with weights, step, and a mat.
The bands are all different colors. Which one to choose? I grabbed a green one and asked her if there was a difference, or would this be okay. She said no, green is bad. I should get blue or purple. Here I was, thinking she was being nice to the newbie. NOPE. Green is the beginner band. Blue & purple are for scary-body-builder-fake-boobs-and-tricolor-hair ladies. But by the time I figured that out, it was too late. At least I was smart enough to ignore her when I was getting my barbell set up with the small weights and she was telling us to have a minimum of two large ones on each side. I think she was seriously trying to kill us.

So the class.
The class.
First it was stretching and weights. I got the 5 pound hand weights (probably should have gotten the 3 once I knew what she was having us do). All of this to scary fast dance mixes. Over and over and over and over. Then she would start counting down... six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One! OKAY! TEN MORE!!!!!!!
Every.Single.Time.
Pain.

Then it was Step time. I can do steps. Up and down. Easy.
Nope.
Scary body-builder-fake-boobs-and-tricolor-hair lady also teaches Step 2 and Step 3 and Advanced Step (who knew??). And Her moves were so fast and crazy I could barely keep up. But it was cool cause my arms got a bit of a rest. Twist! Turn! Mambo! Triple Step! Over! Across!!!
Pain.

Finally, dance.
Not just any kind of dance, mind you.
Hoochie dancing.
In fact, her words were "If you can hump, you can do this move!"
I kid you not.
And then as I was trying to stand, squatting, thrusting out my hips in unnatural ways, I was trying desperately to get Scary body-builder-fake-boobs-and-tricolor-hair lady humping out of my head.
SQUAT LOWER! MOVE THOSE HIPS! LET ME SEE THAT SHAKIRA MOVE!
At one point (and I am not making this up), she was having us LIFT UP OUR SHIRTS to show off our tight bellies.
Let me take this moment to share that I do not have a tight belly.
I was not going to lift up the shirt.
SQUAT LOWER!! YOU KNOW YOU DO THIS MOVE WITH YOUR MAN! DO IT HERE!
Oh.My.Word.
The pain.
PAIN.

The end of class could not come fast enough.
I will never. Ever. take a class from Scary body-builder-fake-boobs-and-tricolor-hair lady again.
Today I could hardly walk.
In fact, this morning I fell down the stairs cause my leg muscles decided not to properly contract when they were supposed to. So now I have also pulled something in my arm that was holding onto the railing.
I cannot sit to pee.
The more the day wore on, the worse I have gotten.
I am not sure how I will get up the stairs to bed. Cause that will mean that tomorrow morning I have to come back down the stairs.
And all I can imagine...
is the pain.

(no pain, no gain, right???)