Intervention!

So.

Remember when I am a bad listener to God?
Cause Christians annoy me and I don't want to be annoying like Christians?
Even though I want to be a good Christian, just not an annoying one?

Right.

And remember how there are a LOT of people that annoy me?

Right.

So. Anyway.
Last weekend was our church's 20th annual Women's Retreat. I have been to many previous ones (not all 20... more like 6) and I have always enjoyed them, even if they do get to be a little girly and flowery and pink and lots of crying (SO HARD) by people around me... well. You get my picture. Usually I am dragged, kicking and screaming, to retreat by my friend Melissa. She convinces me it will be great because she is there (and she is always right!)... and always, when I get there, I have a wonderful time because I am away from my family for a weekend and I am with my friends and sometimes I even listen to what God has for me.
Sometimes.
Usually I am just doodling on my notebook and cracking jokes with my friends. Cause I am not a listener to God.

Well.
Apparently God was fed up with this practice so He staged an INTERVENTION.
He decided that since I wasn't bothering to listen to Him, that He would use my friends to speak to me.

It started a couple weeks ago when I wasn't planning on going to Retreat. I had scheduled two separate photo shoots that weekend and I just couldn't change it up. But then two weeks ago the Saturday session got cancelled and the Friday session got rescheduled to Thursday. But of course, I still wasn't interested in listening to God who was telling me to GO TO RETREAT, because they were probably full by now since it was so last minute. That night I got an email from the Women's Ministry saying there were 5 spots left. Of course, that didn't mean anything, right??? Sigh. I knew I was fooling myself but I just didn't want to go. Cause there would be WOMEN who were GIRLY and FLOWERY and CRYING and stuff.

So then randomly that same night JeneneBoardman and I were talking online about Ikea and stuff. She wanted to go and so did I... and then she asked me the question:
"Wait! Is there an IKEA near Retreat? When's Retreat? Maybe we can go and go to IKEA the same weekend?"
This coming from the friend who hasn't been to my church in 2 years. Oh and there's an IKEA right on the way to Retreat. So I decided that Jenene probably needs Retreat. And I need IKEA, so I will go with her. Cause I am an athletic supporter.

So I signed us up and we were goin'! I sent Joelle a message saying I was going and she cried cause she had been praying for me to go. Then I told Erin that I was going because Erin was saying before that she wasn't going and that was when I found out that she had signed up the Sunday before. Then SHONTELL from Reno sent me a message saying she was trying to go.
NOW that meant it was gonna be a party! And I was excited about Retreat, even if it meant not having Mel there.

The week before Retreat, for me, was full of STRESS. And Irritation. I am pretty sure I uttered the words "I HATE EVERYBODY" more than once. Lots of crap and stuff going on. I was glad to know I was leaving for the weekend.

So we drove down there, got Shontell from the airport and we went to Ikea. I bought a crapload of stuff there, including the slipcover I had bought for my sofabed last year... only last year the one I bought turned out to be the wrong size. So I had brought it back to exchange it for the correct size. I met with the Lady Who Was In Charge Of Returns. I told her my issue - that I had bought this cover last summer when I was at my annual Trip to IKEA - and when I got home I realized it was the wrong size. And I just would like to do an exchange for the right size. That's all.
And she said NO. Because apparently the policy if IKEA is that you can return stuff... unopened... within 90 days... with a receipt. And I had none of that. It was opened, it had been a year, and I had no receipt with me. And SHE. WOULD. NOT. BUDGE. And I got ANGRY. And IRRITATED. And I said to Jenene as we left "I HATE EVERYBODY." Cause I was mad. And My heart was cold and black and frustrated at all the stupid people of the world.

So then we left IKEA and the world was happy again cause I was with my friends. And we stopped by the Ontario airport again and picked up another friend, Wendi, cause SHE got to come last minute, too! YAY!! FRIENDS!! I love them!

We got to Retreat about 10 minutes before the first teaching. And my mind was on my friends who were there. And on Melissa who wasn't there. Even after our teacher, Terry Powell, told us to be sure we were listening to the message for what God has for US and not what we think God is trying to tell OTHER PEOPLE, I was still thinking of my friends. And how much I knew this teaching was meant for them. Because I am not a good listener to God. And then at the end of the night when the prayer team was up there I saw one girl who is young - a senior in high school - on the team. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but she is young and homeschooled and kind of annoying in one of those Annoying Christian kind of ways and I laughed inwardly because I would never ask her for prayer - cause what does she know?

And Worship at Retreat was not the same. Melissa wasn't there so the singing was just not where I wanted it to be. So instead of being a listener to God and entering into Worship I was just annoyed that certain microphones were too loud.

But still it was fun. A fun time with my friends that was great. And Saturday came. And God staged His intervention.

It started after Terry's morning teaching. It began with Shontell. She came up to me and showed me her page of notes. I was proud of her cause mine was mostly doodles. She told me these notes weren't from the teaching. They were what God was telling her to tell me.

Um.
What???

Right.
And for the next 10 minutes Shontell shared with me what God wanted me to hear. Pretty much that I needed to shut up and listen. That it's fine to be funny and joke and be silly, but not at the expense of God's plan for me. So during our Quiet Time for the next hour, Shontell wanted me to actually BE QUIET AND LISTEN TO GOD. So I cried and I said I would listen. And I was grateful for my friend.

Sigh.
I hate Quiet Time. It's boring. And people annoy me.
But I was a listener to Shontell. I got my orange (they gave oranges instead of apples this year) and I found a nice, secluded place on the campus. On my way there I thought I should memorize Psalm 1. I used to have it memorized but I had long since let it be forgotten as stuff Annoying Christians do. But I decided to be obedient and just do it.
So as I sat down in the shade of the tree in the stairwell to the girls' dorms, I opened the envelope that contained the little brochure the ladies gave us with our fruit. It was titled "Under the Shade of the Tree." Well that was coincidental! HA! So I opened it and read what it had to say... just about spending this time reading the Bible and really asking God to speak into your heart. "Is your life so full that there is no time for Christ?" it asked me. (um, kinda). It told me to take this time and pray for God's will... and allow the Breath of Heaven to refresh me and fill me, while drinking in God's word. There were a few verses in the brochure for those that needed direction, but I knew that I would read and memorize Psalm 1. And as I finished reading the brochure I turned it over.

Psalm 1:1-3 was printed on the back.

So I read it and memorized it.
"Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
Or stand in the way of sinners
Or sit in the seat of mockers
But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and on His law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree, planted by streams of water
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers."

And after that I did some more reading in my Study Bible, which gives me lots of references all over the place... I read in Proverbs and Job and took some time to really listen to God. And then I was hungry - it was almost lunchtime and quiet time was almost over. So I peeled my orange - it looked and smelled SO GOOD! And when I broke it open, it was BLACK on the inside. A whole section of it was moldy and gross and nasty.

I couldn't eat it. I was annoyed and I told God that had better not be some metaphor for me.

So I got up and walked. I saw Erin on the other side of the lake so I thought I would see if she wanted to go to lunch. I passed by Deidre who asked if I enjoyed quiet time and how was my orange. I told her it was black and moldy which I was sure was not a message from God. And we laughed. I got to Erin and said Hi to her.

She was a little startled to see me, because she had just been reading her Bible and God was telling her to share what she was reading with me. And she was worried that I would be offended because it was a little harsh. And Erin has a teeeny little issue with confrontation, so I am pretty sure at this moment she was breaking out in a cold sweat. But I told her she could share it with me. And it was totally God speaking to me, telling me that my words can be damaging as much as they can be good. And that I have to be careful because sometimes people don't understand my point of view and my sense of humor and they could be hurt by what I say, even if it's not my intention. And that I need to stop speaking and just take some time to listen.
So I cried and I listened and I was grateful for my friend. Again.

That night I really decided I needed to be a listener to God. Since He was telling me to be a listener and all. So I left dinner early to prepare myself to actually take part in Worship and not be annoyed that half the Worship Team sung off-key. I also wanted to get in there a little early so I could at least be on the side of the room where I wouldn't have to hear the worst of the offenders up on stage. And then The Worst Singer Ever sat right behind me. Right behind me. I kind of laughed because I think that God has a sense of humor like that and He put her there. So I decided I needed to just go with it and really enter into worship. So I stepped forward and knelt on the ground near the stage - partly to not hear annoying singers but mostly because I was ready. Ready to surrender to God's will. And as I was there, a member of the Prayer Team knelt down next to me, anointed me with oil and prayed over me a wonderful, heartfelt prayer. And if you guess it was Annoying Homeschooled Teenager from Last Night you get ten points! And I was humbled, yet again, by the way God uses people to speak to me. Even the ones that annoy me.

What I didn't realize is just how true that last sentence would be.
Because there is a woman who goes to my church who annoys me. A LOT. She is one of the Women's Ministry leaders and has been forever. She is around my mom's age and totally acts like a mom, in the annoying way, to me and people I know. I don't like listening to her because she bugs me. Not cause she's trying to bug me. She's harmless enough, but she's just one of those people who are Rule Followers and just gets under my skin. So of course, she was teaching that night. BECAUSE THAT IS HOW GOD GETS THROUGH TO ME.

And I decided to actually listen. She talked about how there is this parasite vine called the Strangling Fig that grows around a healthy tree and it feeds off the tree, making itself stronger while killing the tree, until all that's left is a tree skeleton and this Strangling Fig that looks just like a tree but it's not. And I hoped I wasn't a strangling fig with no tree inside me.

Then she talked about fruit. And how trees are known by the fruit they produce. Apple trees, orange trees, peach trees... they are all known by their FRUIT. And then she said the thing that stabbed me right in my Strangling Fig Heart. She said, "Does the fruit you produce in your life look fine from the outside, but when you open it is it rotten and black?"

STAB.
STAB.
STAB.

She then said "When I get stressed out, I produce bad fruit. I get a short temper and critical with people." And that was when I realized that when she said "When I get stressed out" what God was saying was "When YOU get stressed out." And the rest of the night God was speaking through the One Person in Church that Irritated Me Most.

And God broke me.
And I cried.
SO HARD.

I took communion and prayed for a changed heart. Deidre came up to me and prayed over me and asked God to remind me that my fruit was not moldy and that I can produce good and wonderful fruit still. And then as I was headed back to my seat, my friend Wendi took me by the hand and told me that she felt very strongly that God wanted her to share a scripture with me. And she did and it was exactly what I needed to hear. And I cried SO HARD again. I had snot and boogers and tears and I ran out of tissues. And it was a good, cathartic cry. And I was thankful for God.

Sunday morning I prayed that God take me back (to the beginning) to when my attitude was different about Him and Christians and sharing. I prayed that I could be like I was back in camp in 1990 when I was filled with the Holy Spirit and I first met Rick and we sang "Awesome God" during the afterglows after each evening session and I felt His presence in my life and I was confident in my future. I wanted that again. So I prayed that God would reveal Himself that way to me. And He did.

Worship was going fine till the sound system went down. And then we had no mics. I didn't have to hear Offkey Singer's voice. The room continued to fill with the song we were singing and when it was done, it was quiet for a moment... then we sang about Coming Back to the Heart of Worship. And it was All About Him. And it was awesome. Then the one instrument that was not attached to a mic, the violin, began playing Amazing Grace. And the room filled with our voices and the violin and the Holy Spirit. And I felt all the stuff I wanted to feel in my heart again. And as that song ended, The One Lady At Church Who Irritated Me But God Used To Speak to Me came up to the front and said that we should sing "Our God is an Awesome God" to finish it out. This is not a song that we sing in church regularly. It had been years since we sang that song. But it was the exact song that I spoke in my prayer to God this morning. And God once again used her to speak confirmation into my life that He was there. AND I CRIED SO HARD.

So retreat was amazing for me.
God staged an intervention and I actually listened. And as I was packing up my car, Joelle came up to me to tell me she was so glad I came... and that God had some things that He wanted her to share with me. So I cried and I said I would listen. And I was grateful for my friend. All of my friends.

Philippians 1:3 says "I thank my God every time I remember you" and I do.
I thank my God every time I remember my friends. I thank my God that He chose to use my friends to speak to me since I was too stubborn to listen to Him on my own. I thank my God that he has the sense of humor that he does to use Just the People Who Would Annoy Me to show me His wisdom. And most of all, I thank God for a renewed sense of purpose in my life.